I love thanksgiving. I love the foods and the cooking. I have a print out of all my recipes that I glance over as the holiday approaches. Studying each recipe to make sure I get it right for the big day. Almost like getting ready for a test. Anxiety creeps in but excitement overpowers. I love gathering with my family, years past we’ve been close to thirty something people, so 20 this year felt like a breeze. Although I missed those who weren’t here terribly! The weeks leading up to Thanksgiving are spent at the supermarket and the days just before the big event are spent in the kitchen, getting by mainly on adrenaline and bagels. I think I lost about 3 pounds which takes away any guilt of over eating on the big day.  Between going to work, keeping up with a home and four kids, the 3 days before Thanksgiving my family is left to fend for themselves eating weekly leftovers and bagels! It gets stressful taking care of the daily things while trying to make sure everything is close to perfect. I told oldest, “if you can all just leave the house for the day and show up when the guests arrive I’d be happy”.  Somehow it all gets done, tired body and aching feet, the idea of relaxing starts soon after all of the food is warmed up out of the oven, the turkey is carved and everyone is eating. You know you’ve done what you could and everyone is eating and compliments are thrown around the table, a sigh of relief and a feeling of success fills your heart. Some time to rest before some of the cleaning begins and space is made for dessert. Alot of work is still up ahead. But the mental work is all behind me, the worrying, the anxiety and the stress. As tired as I am I can enjoy myself and the company around me. Dessert brings delight and also full tummys and fear of not getting rid of it. I make sure to announce many times “guys take home dessert, make some plates of food” I tell them “please, this helps me clean up quicker”. Oh the clean up, I think the clean up is always the worst part. Sometimes I just wish I can sell the house and start over, run away and leave it all behind. But somehow with the help of my guests taking a doggie bag, my husband putting away the tables and my mom washing the dishes, me putting away things and washing g the floors, somehow the house returns back to a home. I stand back and look at all of the clean rooms that were filled with people, chatter, spills and crumbs and it looks like nothing ever happened. Midnight approaches and my bed is calling me, when I arrive I feel like my body can’t sink enough into the mattress. My mind is clear, all of the hard work behind me. I smile, and speed off to dream land. I’m so Thankful for the morning after, everyone still asleep, just me, a cup of coffee, a magazine. Next comes Hanukkah.

Happy Halloween to my four favorite things! My modest thing (btw where are your shoes?) my stylish thing (love the earrings and skirt) , my funny thing (why is Lia the only one wearing the boa I bought?), and my messy thing (how did you get your shirt dirty already?) . You guys make me so modest, so stylish, so funny and sometimes messy. Thanks for bringing out the best things in me and sometimes the worst things in me. 

I love the terrible twos! For me, there is nothing terrible about being two other than adults not understanding you! Two year olds are my favorite. They always have been and after 4 kids they will always continue to be. Two year olds are so funny, so loving and so innocent. They love being with you and hearing “mommy” is the sweetest sound your ears can hear. They light up when they see you, everything is new and refreshing through their eyes. Life is good when you are two. Playing with a two year old is so much fun. They love making you plates of food and don’t mind running to get the ball they kicked over a hundred times. They’re such people pleasers and can warm your heart with a simple smile. A tantrum here and there, hmm I don’t really blame them! It’s hard hearing “no you can’t do this”, or “no you can’t have that” or “share” or “eat your peas”. The fun times a two year old can bring you definitely outweighs any of the terrible moments being two can bring. This is my last two year old and I plan to enjoy every single sweet, ugly, frustrating, wonderful moments.

Happy second birthday to our sweet little boy! You are a gift from God. You are an endless amount of joy, full of love and cuddles, attitudes and whining are never too far. You are our favorite ball player, outdoor runner, dog walker, blippi watcher, trampoline jumper, ice pop muncher, night time riser, early morning riser, mess maker. We love you all the way to the moon and back and an infinite amount of times back and forth again. You are a treasure, may you bring this world lots of goodness!

Seventeen years of a beautiful marriage and
I couldn’t have asked for more than these four kids we brought into the world together. They are a symbol of our love and God’s love for us.
Seventeen years ago we would have been on our way to Hawaii, but today I’m so excited and looking forward to hopefully fitting in a nice long walk
Coffee on the porch and
Sharing left over fried calamari!

I want

I might

I’ll try

I can

I will

I did

Hawaii 2004, on my honeymoon with daddy. No sign of you children for at least 3 years. Life seemed chaotic and crazy but actually it was very simple. I had time to take a picture with a bunch of birds on my head! I had no clue what life was really about. This picture is kinda funny, fast forward 17 years and there’s 4 kids hanging around my head just like this.

I don’t wish I could go back because the present has so much to offer, but some days I wish I could just revisit these little girls who have grown so beautifully in front of my eyes. I didn’t miss a thing and I’m so happy with all of the time I invested in raising you. I didn’t sacrifice anything because every moment spent with you was worth more than anything in this world. So happy for the wisdom of knowing that things will wait, but growing up happens fast. So proud of the young ladies you’re becoming. Grateful to be on this journey of motherhood with you.

Happy Mother’s day to those who are here with us and those who have passed. Mother’s, Grandmother’s, aunts, neighbors and friends who have helped to shape us into who we’ve become and give us the wisdom to raise good humans. I love you mom. Safta, not a day goes by that we don’t miss you. Happy mother’s day.

Its been years since I’ve marched to the beat of my own drum. I remember the simple routine of going to work, coming home, eating dinner and watching a favorite show or working on some project of interest, but right now in this season, its not only about me. Marriage, 4 kids, chickens, a dog, a house, no one agreeing on dinner, constant arguing, laundry that reminds me of how big and blessed my family is, these days I’m marching to the beat of an entire band. I know it’s not forever, so I work hard each day to be mindful and absorb as much of the moments as I can, because I know sooner or later I’ll find my own beat again. I’m definitely not a lead drummer and I don’t like playing solo, so having all of these rhythms throughout the day make me feel so alive and full of purpose. The kids definitely lead and i just adjust the tunes here and there. Its tough keeping everyone happy and meeting the needs of everyone but when we finally find that harmony, it feels good. We’ve learned to play nice together and some days we don’t but I think our family makes a pretty good band! Right now we have a nice rythm to our day. It feels good! We all start our day together, eating, chatting and getting ready for the day, then off to school, work or play. Late afternoon we all come home again and chat about daily drama, tests taken or new words spoken. A couple of hours in between dinner time are spent doing homework, chatting/texting with friends, playing, or watching a video and soon we come together for dinner. Some nights are chaotic dinners where everyone is talking and no one is listening, kids screaming and parents too, along with their eyes crossed and some dinners are filled with laughter and togetherness, either way we’ve rarely missed a dinner together and I cherish each meal we’ve shared. Evenings are spent cleaning up, making more messes, playing, yelling, some phone time, sometimes playing games, sitting by a fire, taking a walk and finally ending up on the couch to watch a show picked by the kids, falling asleep and waking everyone up to go upstairs and drift off to dreamland. Next day I thank God that I get to do it all over again.