I don’t wish I could go back because the present has so much to offer, but some days I wish I could just revisit these little girls who have grown so beautifully in front of my eyes. I didn’t miss a thing and I’m so happy with all of the time I invested in raising you. I didn’t sacrifice anything because every moment spent with you was worth more than anything in this world. So happy for the wisdom of knowing that things will wait, but growing up happens fast. So proud of the young ladies you’re becoming. Grateful to be on this journey of motherhood with you.

Happy Mother’s day to those who are here with us and those who have passed. Mother’s, Grandmother’s, aunts, neighbors and friends who have helped to shape us into who we’ve become and give us the wisdom to raise good humans. I love you mom. Safta, not a day goes by that we don’t miss you. Happy mother’s day.

Its been years since I’ve marched to the beat of my own drum. I remember the simple routine of going to work, coming home, eating dinner and watching a favorite show or working on some project of interest, but right now in this season, its not only about me. Marriage, 4 kids, chickens, a dog, a house, no one agreeing on dinner, constant arguing, laundry that reminds me of how big and blessed my family is, these days I’m marching to the beat of an entire band. I know it’s not forever, so I work hard each day to be mindful and absorb as much of the moments as I can, because I know sooner or later I’ll find my own beat again. I’m definitely not a lead drummer and I don’t like playing solo, so having all of these rhythms throughout the day make me feel so alive and full of purpose. The kids definitely lead and i just adjust the tunes here and there. Its tough keeping everyone happy and meeting the needs of everyone but when we finally find that harmony, it feels good. We’ve learned to play nice together and some days we don’t but I think our family makes a pretty good band! Right now we have a nice rythm to our day. It feels good! We all start our day together, eating, chatting and getting ready for the day, then off to school, work or play. Late afternoon we all come home again and chat about daily drama, tests taken or new words spoken. A couple of hours in between dinner time are spent doing homework, chatting/texting with friends, playing, or watching a video and soon we come together for dinner. Some nights are chaotic dinners where everyone is talking and no one is listening, kids screaming and parents too, along with their eyes crossed and some dinners are filled with laughter and togetherness, either way we’ve rarely missed a dinner together and I cherish each meal we’ve shared. Evenings are spent cleaning up, making more messes, playing, yelling, some phone time, sometimes playing games, sitting by a fire, taking a walk and finally ending up on the couch to watch a show picked by the kids, falling asleep and waking everyone up to go upstairs and drift off to dreamland. Next day I thank God that I get to do it all over again.

I want my cake and I want to eat it too. I want my girls to go back to being little. I reflect on the days that they were 2,4 and 6. The days where things went as I planned and they spent hours playing along together in whatever activity I had set up for them. Days where problems were little and easily solved, days where singing and storytime made you a hero. I miss them little,  and would love to revisit those days, but I’m also enjoying how big and independent they’ve become and how now instead of me solving their problems we solve them together or they’re solving them on their own. I’m also relieved that they don’t need me to set up each and every activity for them, these days I can find them creating their own daily magic while I get the things I need to get done. Now a days I can find a 9 year old baking a cake entirely on her own. I don’t need to stop what I’m doing or say “hold on”, let me get everything ready. She’s fully equipped and capable and its such a wonderful treat, something I definitely couldn’t experience if they were still really little. Thank you Lia.

If I could live one moment for the rest of my life it would be this one right here. The afternoon sun was laying perfectly in all of the right places. The kids were scattered outside. One was clipping flowers, another was drawing with chalk, one was wandering around and one was photographing for me. The moment felt still and quiet and just perfect. No one fighting, surrounded by an abundance of natures beauty. We all felt the moment and agreed it was perfect.

Born 6 months before the COVID Pandemic hit our earth, days of visiting museums and libraries feels like a thing of the past. Liam has spent most of his days running around the yard and the cul-de-sac. He’s definitely a nature boy at heart and as long as he has a ball to play with he is happy! Today we got free passes from the library and went off to visit the east end children’s museum. I figured it would be something different for him and it’d be nice for him to see other children. The Museum was incredibly organized! Upon arrival, waiting for us was a wagon with our name on it, in it were bins filled with items that corresponded to each center. I thought this was brilliant. Each family had their own items to use making it sanitary and safe for everyone. Of course the first thing that caught Liams eyes were the three balls in one of the bins. That’s all it took, one look and all he needed to entertain him in this beautiful happy place filled with all kinds of rooms and activities was a ball. I think he his obsessed? 

I’ve always loved the look of plants. When I go to my moms house I feel like I’m at the botanical garden. It’s so bright and green with foliage draping down her spiral stair case. I’ve never believed myself to have a green thumb. The few plants I have throughout my home are alive and well but they are also the type of plants that don’t need much attention because if they did they would have died many years ago. The other night I finally had an opportunity to watch something of my choice and I looked for some homesteading show. We are looking to plant a garden this summer so I figured I’d find some interesting shows on it. But instead I came upon a woman named Summer Rayne Oakes and she literally has a jungle growing in her Brooklyn apartment. At first I thought omg crazy plant lady but I quickly became inspired by her and her passion for each and every plant she housed. There were so many beautiful varieties of plants and succulents and ferns. And her place exuded life and happiness. Since that night I’ve come upon a new interested and am so excited to explore it further. I always thought like many other false beliefs, either your born with it or your not. As I’m getting older my new belief is if you’re interested than It’s possible. And in this season of my life I’m interested in raising some plants, so that’s what I’m going to do. Just like my mother had learned to aquire a green thumb I know I can have one too. I started researching low light indoor plants and am trying to teach myself how to properly care for them. Today I brought home my first ZZ plant and a Fiddle Leaf Ficus. I didn’t even know these plants existed. They are so lovely and I’m so excited to welcome them into our home. I’m usually known as the lady with so many kids but I might be entering the season of crazy plant lady. I want my kids to always be curious and know that if they have enough interest in something than they can do it just as well as anyone else can. work hard, research and you can learn anything!

A couple of weeks ago I said that every winter we should be guaranteed a month of snow and it hasn’t stopped snowing since!!! I LOVE SNOW, especially if its consistent and stays around for a little bit. Dont get me wrong, I cringe at the snow filled boots in and out of the house and snow gear in and out of the dryer and I hate my slopy driveway and feel like I’m going to slip and fall and I dont like how I can never get my car up the driveway and I hate how our front steps get icy, and I’m the worst snow shovler but I just love the joy it brings the kids and how pretty the world looks and that’s enough reason for a snow fall. Don’t know how much more snow fall is expected this year but I’m going to enjoy every single inch.

I wish we were guaranteed snow every year. Like every January it should snow for the entire month. I love snowdays and though in this season of my life snow days are more like “work” days I still absolutely love them. I love them because one, my kids love them, two, it makes everything look pretty and three, I know there is no where that I have to be other than near the dryer putting in and taking out snowsuits or walking around with a towel drying up the trail of icy snow or brewing hot water for a hot cup of hot cocoa. I do make sure to take a sleigh ride down or driveway and sit with the girls under their special outdoor hiding place. My snowdays may not be as carefree as they used to be but I still find them absolutely exciting. Looks like Barbie had a carefree snowday!

Its 5:30am. Eyes wide open. Shut off my 6 am alarm. Its been months since I’ve actually relied on my alarm. I search the bed to see if Liam is somewhere in it or did he actually sleep in his own bed through the night. Brush teeth, down stairs I go. Bels at the island eating her usual morning cheerios. 13 years old, almost 14. Ive never had to drag that girl out of bed. If anything, when she was little I always tried to figure out how to keep her in bed longer. Lia is already dressed, 9 years old. Wow, i dont think I had these good habits at her age. Definitely something I have aquired after kids were born. And well, since she was born shes been used to the routine of being up and getting ready for school with her sisters. Melinas making her way down. Bed is made immaculately! I think its about 6:15 am now. Wow, these kids are really impressive. Blows my mind how fast they have grown and how responsible little ladies theh are. I did always tell them since they were little “the early bird catches the worm” and well if they were birds theyd definitely be stuffing their faces with lots of yummy worms. 6:45 am off to drive isabel to school, she can totally take the bus but I love our little 10 minute drives to school and why not. I’ve got the time to spare. Lia and melina keep a good eye on Liam who if has not up yet is always up by the time I get back from drop off. Mommmmmmmmy! Love that sound! It’s how I get greeted from Liam. 7:15 am lunches to be made for the next two and then off to a quick shower. Pick up here, pick up there, 7:58 am almost time to see melina and Lia off to school. Bus doesn’t come until 8:12 am but they insist we need to be out there now! Lately its been freezing, my bones get so cold, I walk them to the bus stop with my eyes! Nice to be able to see them from my porch on days like this. Wave good bye as Mr. Joe passes on the yellow bus. Liam waves through the window. 8: 15 am. Time to clean up after the morning. Liam thinks its time to throw balls. I say “Liam, it is too early to throw balls”, I say this because I know this is something he can do all day long and I just can’t start playing this early! Throw some towels in the wash, clean down all bathrooms, do my usual morning vacuum. Amir always says “what can their possibly be to vacuum if you vacuumed last night” or there’s lots of stuff, believe me!!!! In and out of all of the rooms, make sure house is ready for a new start. Girls room have become less and less something I have to clean, other than dusting they keep it so clean. Thank you girls! Dads little office space is another story, but thanks for all that you do. I dont mind spending the rest of my life cleaning up after you. 10:30 am, so much has been done already and an entire day to still go. Second attempt to out Liam down for a nap finally looks promising. Finish up some odds and ends so when he wakes up I am all his to play with until the afternoon chaos of kids and cooking and cleaning all over aging begins. I just realized the chickens still need to be fed!